I don't fear trusting people, i fear ignorance. I fear disturbing others with my dramas because all people have something that cause them to worry. I know these can be just thoughts, but I hate it. I even remember the pain i felt when my classmate lied to me just not to share her paper, when my friend in third grade choses to sit next to my another classmate. You know? I fear that anyone may not be interested hearing me. I fear that they will not even say something towards me. I fear they will just still be disracted of other things rather than paying attention to what I said. I fear being misunderstood. I fear being judged as to why am I like this. It may be unserious to you, but its killing me. I know I still remember this two or three weeks from now. I can't just easily forget. I always say everything is fine. I can always fake a smile. Yes I always forgive. But the pain I felt every frustration just gets lethal. Its like I have a wound that never gets healed. I don't want this either. I always want to set myself free. Amputate envy. Stop every negativity cause I know I don't easily forget. Every pain reminds of another. One pain, then it all flashbacks like a kaleidoscope. Screaming to me.

Wish I could tell everything without crying. But no friends, I am fine. I'll justify this. Don't worry about me. Worry about every little thing in your lives. These were just thoughts.


I want to stop holding grudges. Help me I'm barely breathing.
Feb 29 2016 11:47