You don't deserve any of this.

You don't deserve the smiles I try to hide back whenever people merely mention your name.

You don't deserve me happily listening to love songs and absent-mindedly dedicating them for you.

You don't deserve my feelings when I'm high off my mind, looking back down from the clouds, wishing for nothing but your presence silhouetting mine.

You don't deserve my drunken texts when I feel like I'm wasting my youth away; it's ironic how even though I can't form coherent sentences and I barely remember my own name, you still ****** my thoughts and lurk behind the shadows of my mind, like a spell I've been wanting to cast myself free from since the day I first met you.

You don't deserve my midnight blues when I drown myself in sad songs and relentless thoughts of you, along with endless voices screaming and questioning why I'll never be good enough to be called yours.  

Above all, you don't deserve me.

*(So why do I always find myself crashing back to you?)