I can force myself to stop thinking about what's happened but I can't
make myself to stop feeling the twisting and squeezing of everything in my tummy.
I won't be coming home to find you laying on the couch watching some stupid show
you already know all the words to
or get to joke around with you before bed as we taunt one another about
that big test we knew we were gonna fail so didn't bother to study for.
I won't get to see your smiling face cheering for me in the crowd
when I'm doing what I love
or slap the cheater that broke your heart
for the one that always went back on their word.
I won't get to see the look on your face when you hold your nieces and nephews
for the first time
or get to see you spoil that dog you loved more than anything.
I won't get to sneak those pictures onto your phone or stay up all night
talking with you
on the porch swing on the back deck that creaked every time it moved.
I don't understand why bad things happen to good people.
I never understood why the good people go too young.
Then tonight I realized that when you're walking in a garden
you always pick the prettiest flowers first.