Just for once,
I would love to drink bubbly in bed.
And allow myself to eat olive toast
Without worrying about the crumbs.
Just for that moment.
Just for once, I would love to decide
That the day doesn’t have to be the same
As the day before, and the one before that.
Just for once, I would love to believe that I can.
Without worrying about the next day.
Just for once, I would love to feel capable,
Capable of entertaining, of cooking, cleaning,
Of writing, of being loved,
Of choosing, of deciding.
I feel none of these things.
There were a few brief moments
When I felt that I could feel them.
But maybe its too late for me.
Even so, I’d love to feel that way again.
Just for once.