Feb 2016
Why can't I leave you?
Even with all your flaws, why can I not leave you?
I'll tell you why.
It's because when I look at you, I see beauty. I see innocence and brilliance and someone that hasn't been corrupted by the world. I see someone who hasn't lost their optimism, who hasn't bowed to cynicism or bitterness. I see someone who still loves life and is able to see the beauty and wonder that fills the world.
When I look at you, I lose myself. The lines of your face, the glow of your cheeks, the depth in your eyes, and every hair either in or out of place combines to create the sublime. Time stops... when I look at you. Whatever we're doing, whether it be hiking around rocks, running around, careening around corners on the road, singing as we walk, or just laying together, enjoying each other, I find one little instant when time freezes. It freezes and all I see is you. It freezes and yet another still frame is added to the growing memory book that has your name on it.
Your mind baffles me, your words inspire me, your personality keeps me on my toes. And even though there are lots of little flaws, lots of small imperfections, and even a few larger ones, they are all outweighed by how amazing you are. I've never met anyone like you. Nobody has ever made me feel like you do. Not a single person has been all that you are.
How could I possibly leave you?
There are times when I've wanted to - times when I want nothing more than to call it quits because you drive me crazy or dangle want I want just in front of my face, but never give it to me. There have been so many times when I think about you and realize that you will probably be my downfall. You will wind up being that person that I knew would come along and ruin all my plans. You're going to be the person that makes me compromise on all I've ever wanted and worked for, all I have ever desired of life, all because I am going to fall in love with you. I am going to fall in love with you and I'm going to love it and hate it all at the same time. You are going to be my beautiful ruin.
Despite this, despite knowing that you are simultaneously and tragically perfect and perfectly wrong for me...
I still can't leave you.
I know that if I did, I would hate myself. Twenty years after I left you I would look back and realize that I was a fool. Hindsight would reveal just how painfully shallow and misguided I am.
Does that answer your question?
Does that help you understand?
Does that make you realize who exactly you are? Who you are to me? You are the Anti-Blake. You are the end of everything that makes me who I am. You're stealing my identity away from me, turning me into someone else.
And even so,
I still can't leave you.
Even with all your flaws, why can I not leave you?
I'll tell you why.
It's because when I look at you, I see beauty. I see innocence and brilliance and someone that hasn't been corrupted by the world. I see someone who hasn't lost their optimism, who hasn't bowed to cynicism or bitterness. I see someone who still loves life and is able to see the beauty and wonder that fills the world.
When I look at you, I lose myself. The lines of your face, the glow of your cheeks, the depth in your eyes, and every hair either in or out of place combines to create the sublime. Time stops... when I look at you. Whatever we're doing, whether it be hiking around rocks, running around, careening around corners on the road, singing as we walk, or just laying together, enjoying each other, I find one little instant when time freezes. It freezes and all I see is you. It freezes and yet another still frame is added to the growing memory book that has your name on it.
Your mind baffles me, your words inspire me, your personality keeps me on my toes. And even though there are lots of little flaws, lots of small imperfections, and even a few larger ones, they are all outweighed by how amazing you are. I've never met anyone like you. Nobody has ever made me feel like you do. Not a single person has been all that you are.
How could I possibly leave you?
There are times when I've wanted to - times when I want nothing more than to call it quits because you drive me crazy or dangle want I want just in front of my face, but never give it to me. There have been so many times when I think about you and realize that you will probably be my downfall. You will wind up being that person that I knew would come along and ruin all my plans. You're going to be the person that makes me compromise on all I've ever wanted and worked for, all I have ever desired of life, all because I am going to fall in love with you. I am going to fall in love with you and I'm going to love it and hate it all at the same time. You are going to be my beautiful ruin.
Despite this, despite knowing that you are simultaneously and tragically perfect and perfectly wrong for me...
I still can't leave you.
I know that if I did, I would hate myself. Twenty years after I left you I would look back and realize that I was a fool. Hindsight would reveal just how painfully shallow and misguided I am.
Does that answer your question?
Does that help you understand?
Does that make you realize who exactly you are? Who you are to me? You are the Anti-Blake. You are the end of everything that makes me who I am. You're stealing my identity away from me, turning me into someone else.
And even so,
I still can't leave you.
