And i don't know how to feel. It's weird not loving you anymore, when I said I always would... The feeling is just gone. I'm sitting in the bathroom in A Hall, where we played with toilet paper and I wanted to kiss you but I didn't. My feelings are attached to my memories, but I'm so numb; I don't know what love is anymore. I hurt you, and it was just a continuous cycle and whirl wind of toxic energy. I see you in the hall and think of how much you used to mean to me, before you became someone I didn't recognize. It took so long before I could go through a day and not think about you, because you gave me up. You didn't choose me when I was all you wanted. And when he left you I suddenly became relevant, I suddenly became worthy of you. And I hate myself for having loved you. Nothing makes sense. the fact that all I know is sadness really scares me, but it's also comforting; I'm used to sad. If you're sad it's a nice surprise when you get happy, if you're always happy it ******* ***** when you're sad. And I think I was expecting happy when you came back to me. When we decided to be friends again and I guess that's where I ****** up, ya know? it was my fault thinking happiness was on the road. I set myself up for disappointment.