this is why I shouldn't be here:
I'm not ready for this
I'm like a cup of tea
my ideas are steeping
they aren't ready to be drunk
by the unrelenting eyes of others

when I find myself doing what
I was sure 4 months ago
is what I love (creating manipulating and destroying)
I can only think about being somewhere else
thinking about something else entirely

I thought I'd love this place
and I do
or maybe I love the idea of being here
I love the idea that this is what I could be doing
this isn't what I'm doing
I can't be here
1) because I'm not
2) because I'm scared of what would happen if I were

I sincerely believe that I should wake up now