i got a job

i have no car

i’ve got chaos

and on the verge

of being an alcoholic

here i am

nostalgic.

half alive

never asleep,

you either.

on the bathroom counter

on the floor

with words crashing to the ground

the nostalgia.

no more birds in the morning

no more rain

and the chaos

it’s so beautiful

like the most traumatic sunset

where the sun sinks low

over the water

and you’re free

the song on repeat

i wonder how i’m

even alive.

why

i still choose to

wake up by your side.

like an undercover darkness

raging against the mass

of reality

bringing me to a medium.

everyone knows

everything goes.

so infinite

in the haze of

the sun

like children

with guns.

at any minute

left to bleed out

for the next flesh

to cleanse.

no more waves to

wash

away the insanity.

when you’re gone

i-

when are you leaving

my god

go before the snow.

the foliage

is like an open wound

ripping wire

through my throat

i need to go.