5 years old. Nothing but my soul to give.
As I see the other kids playing and jumping at the playground
I can hear nothing
but my father’s car speeding up
and my mother’s heart cracking
and I always thought my joy and happiness
would empty the water in her lungs

7 years old. They say it’s not my fault.
It’s hard to tell
when the custody papers start being filled
and her late night cries
start becoming a daily thing
as I try to stop the tears
wishing I hadn’t told her
that another woman was already kissing my father's cheek

10 years old. I can start to tell
that the light that came from my eyes
every time I saw my father
is slowly fading away
and every 6 weeks I have to see
a new doctor
because nothing seems to stop my body from aching

12 years old. The face of despair.
I tie my shoes as tears run down my face
my friend asks me if I’m okay
if I want to call home.
I quietly reply
"I just want this rain to stop"

15 years old. Slit my wrists and crash my bones
my mother doesn’t look me in the eye anymore
since the day she saw me at a party
kissing some girl
and my father calls me once in a while
just to make sure
the doctor is giving me
all the little pills my soul needs
and that’s simply     what I’ve become

My grandma talks about
how the bags under my eyes
keep getting bigger as I
run away from home
to smoke a **** cigarette
and I wonder every time I look at the sky
how empty will her heart need to feel
to finally tell me
how I ******* everything up

2016. Years pass by and
honestly we’ve all forgotten
how to count the years
without using our fingers
as I close my eyes
I can see my mother´s disappointment
when I first fell while riding a bike
and that’s probably why
she never bought me one for my own
perhaps cause she knew
I was going to hurt and bruise something more than my knees
but even though, I still haven’t got on one
at some point, I think I fell
and until this day
I don’t think I’ll ever get up