with predatory instinct found
under siege, underground
Birch II, my ward, my home
before I leave pages turn to tome
with rehashed food and smuggled items of variety
cigarettes, chew, and paper clips, decaffeinated life
suicide attempt
breeding contempt
smash at walls
scream at captors
claws of raptors
manic I was, manic I remain, new rage, I am insane
line by line by line
empty words of horror’s sound
with LSD’s aftershocks ringing my ears
and feeding my eyes that hate your normalcy
with all the confused dread I can muster
one word, madness
shaking fool, lost cool
tremolo-plastic-breakfast-spoon
lifting bits of sanity to my mouth parts
Freshly-washed ******** desires the woman
I left in the real anti-world called home
close my eyes and see my last trip
bathroom tiles explode and cover sink, tub, garbage can, mirror, telephone, and leg-arms
bad trip, but it was better than your unreal world
take your meds now
two-fisted, bipolar, mixed-manic, one-eyed, living, breathing, copulating monster under eternity’s bed
anger pounding at my ******* coming out as a giant, stinking ****
the them that sit behind the desk
regulate lives of poor inmate crazies
eat their meals and take my soul
others play cards, I write, **** time, **** tension, **** myself, with treatment plans, unreasonable demands in psycho-babble B. S. words like suicidal ideation, that doesn’t apply to me, does it?
I want my trip back, I want to live in another place with another face
I want my trip back darling
I want to watch the words explode, I want to watch the tiles grow up my legs again
to watch as paper becomes pen, to bathe the tiles off of my inhuman skin
I want my trip back baby
I want to breathe in prism air where nothing and eternity collide
in spectacular displays of sonic-boom, emotional madness
incredibly---------------edible-------------sadness
I see the me looking
from inside LSD’s mirror and want to rejoin
the missing-hated-wasted-rain-forest
blackened by man’s desire
with silk-rose-petal-eye-bomb-shell
LEAVE!
leave me, for what I did or did not do or have or think or say or what
style means nothing more nothing less, you know?
it takes confusion to produce effective illusion
to produce base desires feed the fires
smoky the bear at the demon’s lair
with broken feet suckle the ****
of unused, aggressive, possessive MADNESS!!!!!
natural-organic-popcorn-hulls in rotted-bleeding-tooth-socket-decay-pain
elusive means justify idiot ends, so dig the pick into the hole in my jaw
as I scream the insanity away from my ears and into your eye-ball-socket-hole-skull-spot
clipped fingernail
package in the mail
next time I won’t fail
sleep, sleep won’t be my lover tonight, her arms won’t touch my shoulder
I won’t feel her finger-touch-tip or rub my ***** on her ******
I want my trip back
love me, love me, love me
for love or money, for emotions mistaken, for idiot sensation, for all the things you do for me, for my insanity’s sake
my world slowly fills with unbearable ills, chemical need so deep it erases my soul
feet sore from pacing
door to door to door to door
on and on seconds bleed out minutes, bleed the hours, tears bleed out the poison self-inflicted, pen bleeds ink onto paper
thoughts coagulate and scabrous emotions take