I remember the way you used to stand
And how I always had to crane my neck to look you in the eyes
I remember the way you sighed when you were mad
How you'd clench your jaw tightly and roll your eyes

I remember the pleading in your voice that first night you urged me to open the abyss
My tears tasted salty as they stained my sheets and stuck in my hair
I remember the quiet coaxing in your voice as you whispered
"It's okay, just let it out"

And I felt so heavy as I lay on the carpet floor, clawing at my clothes
Needing to hear the sound of the tearing fabric as though it was my soul
I pounded the floor with fragile fists, wanting the release of finally shattering
My voice was so hoarse the next day from all the screaming
I wish you had stayed on the phone.

The fog that settled in my brain that night never left.
And now it's causing issues with my eyes,
Pulling at the corners of my mind
I cannot focus, I cannot sleep.
The darkness is too persistent
And you don't seem to care

It hurts to look at you now.
You left a scar in my mind and it aches when our eyes meet
I can feel my pulse in my fingertips when you talk and it takes all my energy not to reach out and touch you just to make sure you're still there
And you tell me that you're not perfect, that I sometimes think you are
I know you're not.
I know you're damaged and broken and sad, just like me.
I'll be okay when I get better
You know. You will.

What happens when two black holes collide?
Where do they come from?
The stars. They are made from what once were glorious stars.
Gigantic celestial masses that began to die
And as their light faded, they exploded into a beautiful shower of colorful sparks
That was before they collapsed upon themselves, swallowing time itself
All light powerless in their wake.
And when those two black holes get too close, they cannot escape each other's gravity
They send ripples through the delicate fabric of space time.
And these gravitational waves resound through then entire universe
And those pits of darkness become one.
It seems so beautiful, that the sheer power of gravity could alter the fabric of time.
And inside it causes time to slow.
How perfect it would be to grow up in a place like that
Every moment could be savored, every memory carefully recorded.
That is the place I want to love you.
Where time flows like molasses and nothing else exists
But us.
We are infinite and finite, everything and nothing
Perfect but so incredibly flawed
But does it matter?
Does it matter if we're terrified of what we might do?
I'm not leaving, and I don't think you are either

Except... You did.
You left with your iron hot brand on my pale flesh
A gentle press that seared my skin
The train track scars I sustained from running through the the woods of your mind
I don't think you quite understand how much it hurt
The pain that came from you scratching constellations into my very soul
I thought they were beautiful.
I still think they are
Coupled with the visions you spun in threads of fate,
Delicate dreams that took up residence in my head
Bleeding out through spindly veins.
I feel weak.
And still you continually rattle lies off that silver tongue of yours
It never fails to amaze me how I still believe.
I'm still here.
You said you were here too.
You lied.
There's not much else to it.
You lied, I believed you
I believe you.
I love you.

You still don't seem to care