do you ever feel yourself drowning
but you don't know what is pulling you under
only that you can't breathe
and your legs are kicking at the restraints
but nothing is happening

do you ever wake up with a lump in your throat
but no remembrance of how it got there or why
not even a hint of a dream to guide your thoughts
only the feeling that your heart is broken
and your lungs are collapsing

do you ever feel yourself slow down
body and mind stuck in a mire of subconscious thoughts
thoughts about your faults and weaknesses
the battles you've lost
and the bodies you've left behind

do you ever feel aches and pains in all your body
but no altercation to explain where the hurt comes from
aches in your shoulders and elbows even down to your toes
your hair follicles are sensitive and your lips are dry
skin that feels like a million pinpricks

today i am all of the above