It’s dark.
From what you can see through your eyelids,
But there is nothing but the darkness…
Just completely nothing,
Nothing around at all…
Lights low,
Eyes sown shut,
No one can see,
Not even yourself,
The harm and chemicals that race threw your veins,
And even if they could…
No one would know how to help.
Even with your eyes shut it’s unnecessary,
You know the feeling,
The fake darkness,
The sunshine that throws the dust around,
It’s not real.
The sun that moves the dust,
The sun that shines on only the wretched
That sun that shines on your depression,
Making it brighten to full volume…
And then the blinds snap shut,
So fast…
You don’t even know where those thoughts went.
Chemicals that your body is used to,
The chemicals that make your eyes shine,
Make your hands shake,
But nothing that you had to take,
No substance is involved,
Just the feeling of flying then shooting yourself down.
The chemicals course threw your veins,
Making twisting and turning paths
Threw every part of you,
No blood, just this nuclear fission making your eyes roll.
Sleep comes easy,
But it’s not really sleep,
Just enough to regain your strength to peak threw that window shade.
The darkness of the room, the black depth of your curtains,
The mechanical glow given off by the tv,
The news rolling almost as a portal to an outside world,
A world you are not comfortable with.
Your eyes press down the keys,
You take another dose of distain
And flip the power off.
Smoke drifts into the air,
Maybe from an apartment downstairs,
Voices scream at you to move,
But once your eyes open to nothing,
But fire.
Raging in a circle around you.
You have no escape but to hide within yourself…
The outside can not be trusted…
It’s not real…
Instead of giving your heart or part of your soul to a person,
It’s trapped on the other side of that wall,
You’ve been caged with no walls…
The fire isn’t real, and neither are the walls,
There is nothing.
No one
At all…
Just the sliding of your consciousness in and out,
And the draining of your comprehension.
A jump, a start…
Silence,
It’s in your mind,
A blow of wind, a scratch of death,
Inching closer to you….
Frantically searching for yourself…
But just deeper and deeper inside of thoughts you sink,
Drowning, thoughts of reality choke you until there is nothing left…
Just space…
Space that never runs out.
One day the curtains could be thrown open,
The blinding light,
Maybe a comfort for one not ready to see,
But at least it’s an inch closer to life.