No.
You will not say you know me.
too much time has passed.
too much transpired.
You were gone when I fell head full
into the abyss,
crash landed
years later where I crawled out from beneath
thoughts heavy enough
to **** myself with.
to heavy to lift
sharp enough
to cut away and **** the parts of me that
where
beyond salvation
.
parts of me to heavy to stand with.
I love you,
I loved you .
Whispered like a lullaby,
draped over wounded thoughts;
screaming wrongness in me.
Echoing goodbyes in me.
The ache of knowing sacrifices must be made,
Ruined by the corrosion
of your unyielding misconceptions
and unreachable expectations.
Numbly I sat cutting away at the bits
of myself we had been beating and breaking down
for years.
red and raw
blue and empty
with trembling fingers
clawing
at all that sat wrong in my reflection,
parts
I thought I needed
but ruined would never stand me up right again
never hold up my chin.
Horrified;
at being so full
of so much nothing.
that I was to tight
to even catch my breath.
Seams bulging
from fingertip to
the ribs in my chest
Every moment agonizing.
Every second impossible.
Over and over
I died.
And still I would wake ,
cruel irony
by the thousandth time
I woke weary and cold
I looked upon the carnage
all of me disassembled at my feet,
a fear trembling deep in me ,
a courage to rebuild growing in my bones.
only picking up every bit of persistence I turned to go.
so no you do not know me
you were not there when I escaped from my own dark
to fill myself with slivers silver shifting , bits of an indifferent moon;
you were not there to journey my emptiness to traverse the abyss.
You were not there when I began to fill it.
In your absence I have grown
and still,
I do not know how you will fit here.