Every second I sit I just keep thinking, Why do I exist?
What purpose has kept me
From letting myself
Taste the sweet metal of a blade
Where am I suppose to go
If neither heaven nor hell is guaranteed
Every second I keep existing
And I can't stop thinking
What is stopping me from running away
Why can't I just leave everything behind
All this pain and worry
All the anger, joy, sorrow
All these numbing emotions
Every second I breathe
I lose myself to all this
I think about that night
The night my story could have ended
And every time I do
My mind filters it more and more
Making sure I can never remember
Such a dark, chaotic time
But a satisfying moment for me
A moment where I felt in complete control
And the universe was the one
Begging for me to stop
Trying to understand the reasoning
The underlying meaning
Beneath this chain reaction
Every second
I exist