Girl conditioner
Lovingly stroked through whiskers
Sissy Flatbeard smiles
Hot and flat iron
Please hipster gods be so kind
Beard becomes calm sea
Personal grooming
Turned to Japanese garden
Terraced beard landscape
Rogaine investment
Thick beard glued into donkey
Looks like a Jack-Ass
Caveman gone ape shit
Preferring the barber shop
To hot biker chicks
Poor Sissy Flatbeard
No one thinks you very cool
Eskimo status
Rustling leaves fall
No, just douche beard in the wind
Peed some while laughing
No love for hip beards
Sissy Flatbeard needs to die
Slow, painful, mean death