The truth is I'm not very good at anything I do. I'm not trying to throw a pity party but honestly, I have never done or thought anything worth while. My hands are really ***** right now and sometimes when I'm on my period I wont wear underwear and I'll were a dress. I haven't washed my sheets in months and I've been wearing the same pair of underwear for five days. I stopped doing my laundry, so when I finally do change my underwear I wont even put on a clean pair, I will just put on a less ***** pair. I keep forgetting to eat and so far I've lost nine pounds! Nine! Which puts me at 132lbs. I haven't been that small since my freshman year. I can't focus on school. I can't focus on anything except writing sometimes. I like to paint on my arms and then go in the shower and watch the paint pool at my feet. I lay in snow banks because I like how the cold snow hurts my skin and I often look in the mirror and slap myself in the face really hard because it makes me feel better for a second. I'm sick. My brain is wrong. Reading makes me want to puke. Literally puke! I just looked up how many miles it takes to get to Chicago from here. I don't have enough money to get all the way there. I'm going ******* nuts! Locomotive. Locomotive. Maybe I should smoke a bunch of ****, or get super drunk, or go streaking, or run away, or fake my own death, or swallow a bunch of pills and either enjoy the high or die. Is it sad that I call myself a writer but if I was someone else I wouldn't read my own poetry. It tries too hard. Honestly, I use rhyming words. Not even cool ones. I rhyme words like five and alive. ******* every poet ever has done the exact same thing. It's not good. It's really not good. I use to be able to just sleep my worries off! I can't even do that anymore. I can't sleep for more than two hours at a time. I never never sleep and time keeps going and I look at the clock and it reads 11 PM and then I look at the clock again and it says 5:40 AM. **** me! For real! **** me! Manic depressive ginger faced ****! If I had a spoon in my hands I would drag the cold metal over the blue veins on my wrists. Why am I writing this here? Because none of you can find me! ******* Flee! Here are some words you probably hate now... ****, *****, Niger, ****-****! **** face! Racist! ****! Shut up! There are a lot worse things that could happen to your day! Go buy some ******* macaroons and watch the ******* desperate housewives and daydream about your ******* sugar-daddy future! I don't care who you are! I don't know any of you! I just want my head! Did you know I'm asexual! What the **** am I suppose to do with that! I'm a ******* plant! A Plant! I'm no better than a ******* Fern! At least a Fern is good at what it does. God was suppose to make me a ******* Fern but somehow I am a ******* Human! What the ****! **** me! For real! ***** ****** ****! Eat It!!!