So what are you going to do with your life?
I am meant to be stable, secure and assured but my future is hanging on the edge of a knife,
We are born, branded, berated and birthed onto a path,
Told to pick one of eight things that will be the making of your life or aftermath,
Reoccurring roles and regimes, side-lined sought after hobbies and stupid dreams,
“There is nothing you can’t do!”, Or can do, so it seems.

So to repeats and regrets my life has been met, so often by false hopes and aspirations,
Paralleling close to something I enjoy, on small chanced and seldom formed occasions,
I had aims and plans, left no thought for second thoughts as to my pigeon hole I did contort,
But somewhere lurking was the truth that what I wanted, wasn’t actually what I sought.

Because the truth is in a world were truths are rarely a simple fact,
I have no idea what I’m doing or where I’m going or how to react,
To the fact that my life as it is now is entropic,
That there is nothing within my grasp that would give me the chance to stop it,
The hard place and rock that flank me give me little comfort or advice,
As free as I am meant to be, my life is trapped by an unseen vice,
I am meant to be forged and formed, but instead formless and flawed in a thousand different ways,
How I mourn and yearn for the fading memories of younger days,
Where decisions were straight lines on which I would glide to my future,
Before I began picking at the tentative guided suture,
Before I realised this wasn’t the life that I had ordered,
That all the things that my life for me had afforded,
Left me with no ideas but a thousand fears and debts to regret,
I think its safe to say my future is no safe bet.

Yet I am still here.
Though many times to wrong that was fact was near,
While I find it impossible to wake and drag myself from my bed,
I am from it, these thoughts are able to rattle in my head.
No I have no idea who I am, what’s happening, or where I’m going,
But all I can hope is that leaves my every opportunity in not knowing,
That these pessimistic thoughts are not even a simple last resort,
That I have only been ignoring all the joy that life has brought.
As dark as everything is to me right now, that it feels as though an eternal winter has come to stay,
I know what seasons change and there are always brighter days.
Do I know where I’m going? What I’m going to do with my life? In any single way?
No I don’t, not even close, but I think that that’s ok.