I was so nervous to meet you
Double and triple checking my reflection in the mirror
Making sure I was who I thought I was.
Who you wanted me to be.

Mind abuzz with anxious questions
What if he doesn't like me?
What if
What if
What if


You called me, you're outside
Heart fluttering with the excited madness Id grown to associate with talking to you
One last glance..
Coating my lips with pink deceit
I stepped out the door
Stepped out to your eyes on me
Vulnerability radiating through the blush in my cheeks ..
What if


You made me comfortable with your shy smile and raspy voice
You made me laugh
teasing the insecurities from my soul so effortlessly.
At the time I was amazed at how well you did that.
Not even thinking that it had less to do with your humorous demeanour, and more to do with my own brightness
my willingness to see the best parts of you.
I wish you'd done the same for me.


I felt like myself with you.
I felt good.
Safe within my bones.
For once I wasn't taking up TOO much space.
For the first time in a long time
I was just enough.

I could feel the heat rising through my body, but instead of pushing it away, I basked in it
Instead of avoiding your persistent gaze when you said "I just want to look at you"
I let you look.
Only barely wondering if you liked what you saw.
I thought you did.
You seemed like you did.
You were a good actor.


Back at my place and you're making me laugh at my pathetic inability to drink beer at a respectable rate
My mind is only half on what you're saying.
I can't help watching the way your lips stretch over your teeth as you speak.
I can't help wondering what you taste like.

I'm in the middle of a sentence and in a spontaneous gesture of boldness
you grab my head.
kissing me.
hard softness practically devouring me.

You tasted faintly of bubblegum and the beer you were so playfully teasing me about
Kissing you felt as easy as breathing.
And almost as necessary.

You matched my shyness step for step.
Tentatively exploring that intimate part of me.
Sampling my soul just as much as you were the minty tang of my lip balm.

Absorbed in your touch
My mind was quiet
Exquisitely free of that question
What if

I could feel your breath sending shivers across my skin long after you told me goodbye.
Told me it was a pleasure meeting me.
I believed you.
Stupid girl.

As seamless a transition as snow melting into rain.
you stopped talking to me.
Stopped with your sweet nothings.
Stopped with your charming wit.

Why?
Because I wasn't what you thought.
You told me this when I finally mustered the courage to ask you what was wrong.

We don't talk anymore.
But I still sometimes can't help wondering
If you had taken the time to get to know me
flor who I was
instead of the arbitrary image of what I looked like to you
Would things be different?
If you had asked yourself
What if.