my neighbors all say they can hear me singing as i sink back down into my earthbound body still tweaking my ******* with my eyebrows arched & tongue still stuck lolling in the corner of my mouth
i'm confronted with a syrup mixture of humiliation & guilt when they find me in a fetal bundle in the early dawn light bathing on the mattress ablaze with spiral light from the window blinds
my shame is a palpable cartoon ****-cloud of self-awareness as they stand in awe & fear of the mysterious throbbing phenomena attached between my hipbones
but in that moment of splendid transcendence when my wet throat echoed the chirping song of the radiator before they caught me i was breathing vapor bent over a shovel violent hot chest heaving like an attic full of abandoned possessions liberating suppressed vivid stardust memories & chanting ecstatically sweaty complexion kneecaps quivering like plastic water-bottle minnows trapped in a meat locker releasing stress from the bulbous pustules collected on my face & soft jawline
liquid parts of me chased the low cirrus clouds through long looping tunnels carved into the taut blue january sky meadow as silver-tipped steam hissed from the powerful glands in my armpits i tried to regain control over my own turbulent chaos almost crumbling
i heard sock feet stuttering in the foyer & suddenly they appeared eating a winter peach under the doorway trellis or with an armful of fresh-cut flowers between the hallway of tall hedges slack-jawed eyes vacant like so many broken windows witnessing a spring butterfly devour a snake while i weep into a magazine feverish with well-earned fatigue left hand keeping a tight grip on my only future
later on i'm standing outside on a thriving carpet of fungus as sunlight glares off my freckled chest & the damp earth breathes aggressive moss onto the trunks of old trees crying bitterly because i dug this hole in a dream of fitful sleep my friends must always be high because they all say i'm bringing them down but i'm scared one day i'll wake up & there will be nothing left to say or i'll have concrete where i used to see teeth
everything tonight is real that's a lie but i'm going to continue whispering it to myself like a mandala mantra the sunset was almost unbearably beautiful & i stood defiant with my back pushed against it between hard edged pillars of self-destruction & self-fulfillment as it wreaked its havoc on the opposite sky gray radio static warped through my ears when i finally felt spiritually large enough & my eyes clouded once again with spontaneous emotion