The Road to Perdition

I walked up to the pearly gates

and rang the golden bell

Saint Peter popped his

head out and he gave a hearty yell

He said 'what are you doing here

you're supposed to be alive?'

I said 'I blew my brains out

with a magnum 45'

'In that case I can't let you in'

Saint Peter sadly said

'You've got to take the

dark road to that other place instead'

I thanked him for his kindness

and he sent me on my way

I turned onto that evil road

and slowly walked away

The path was long and winding

and the scenery was bare

It reminded me of Kansas

when Dorothy lived there

I seemed to walk for hours

but it could have been much more

Then up ahead I saw a light

behind a wooden door

A man appeared quite suddenly

from where, I do not know

He said 'my name is Lucifer

but you can call me Joe'

He led me to the wooden door

and gave a mighty shove

The thing swung open slowly

and a light shone from above

To my surprise I did not see

the brimstone, flame or tar

Just a band of really happy folks

all drinking at a bar

Virginia Woolf and Hemingway

were sitting with Van Gogh

While Kurt Cobain was sipping wine

with Magdalene Kahlo

And Lenny Bruce was telling jokes

that made Cleopatra blush

And Hunter T. wrote frantically

As always, in a rush

Old Joe he only grinned at me

and slapped me on the back

'You didn't really think that

I would torture Kerouac?'

He called out to the bartender

and soon I had a brew

'I must admit" I said to him

before my beer was through

‘I expected something different

in the land of pain and dread'

Old Joe gave me a wicked smile

and this is what he said:

'Take a look around you son

and tell me what you see'

I saw ten thousand people

not including Joe and me

And suddenly it hit me like a

bolt out of the blue

'All these people left the world

before their time was due'

Joe finished up his bottle and

he tossed it in the sand

He said 'son every one of them

has died by their own hand

You see they lived their Hell on earth

on that you can't deny

They know what pain is really like

so I don't even try'

So friends I am still sitting here

it's been a year or so

Tomorrow night I've got a date

with Marilyn Monroe

We're going to see Hendrix

at the Fillmore down below

And the word is Janis Joplin

will be opening the show

And I don't believe that Heaven

could exact a higher praise

They can keep their harps and

trumpets...

I prefer my Purple Haze

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