my mother occasionally reminds me
that it is unfair to take your own life
because it is yours
and sometimes not
at the very same time

because you were made
from the same bones and flesh
as the thing
growing in your mother’s womb
and life didn’t start with you

it started with two people
in love
out of love
stupid
smart
careless
careful
and your life
sometimes belongs to you
and also sometimes
it belongs to them

my mother occasionally tells me
how tiring it was
to raise me as a child
because i wasn’t all peek-a-boo
and nursery rhymes

i was also sleepless nights
and endless tears
with a loud voice for screaming
and sometimes my life is mine
and sometimes it also isn’t

it belongs to two people
together
separated
dead
alive
happy
sad
and my life
is sometimes up to me
but also not up to me

and if it wasn’t up to me
to be brought into this world
why would it be up to me
to leave this world

and i know
that if i left this world
my parents would be more
disappointed than sad
because my mother
occasionally tells me
that it is unfair
to take my own life.