Apathy is dripping from all our lips
As we **** on this universal life force
And ignore each other
The air resting around us
Like stale breath
Is quiet and dying around us

My eyes are so heavy
They no longer see past what’s in front of me
When I see leaves, I only see leaves
When I see laughter, I don’t see behind it tears
I’m hiding underneath layers of skin
Within me is a soul wrapped up in a body
Feels trapped

I am the only key out of this apathy
But it’s like nothing can wake me from this deep slumber
My heart is sinking
There’s an anchor pulling me down
And a storm brewing in my eyes
When I speak I spit saltwater

Some days my imagination runs wild in forests and galaxies
And other days my mind can’t walk past the sidewalk at my feet or the covers on my bed
So many spiritual walls up barring me from taking care of myself
How can I let anyone else in?

She always thinks there’s a problem with me and my head
Everytime I tell her the dark clouds over my head
She seems to think that sometimes they forever disappear
And when I can push them away for a while
She reminds me that they’re there
I can’t tell her how to fix me
Even though she so badly wants to

Nobody wants to be with me
but neither do I

Any sign of love and care and I reject it
Violence and pain is the only thing that feels right
*** and drugs, alcohol and pain…. Those images in my head make me happier than anything else

I know how crazy it is that I believe that, but I’m just so lost
Nothing feels interesting
I don’t want to be any person, but me
But I don’t feel like myself at all
I feel so stranded from reality
So disassociated from life itself
I feel like I’m on a thin string hanging upside down
All the blood is rushing to my head

Everything is outside my door
But if I leave I have to wake up and move
And that’s too hard to do sometimes

I get so angry
Whenever I decide not to leave my room
When I don’t move
The demons in me wake up and dance
And I feel worse
Because I make the house shake
And hearts ache

I secretly wish she would come to my room
And say sorry for earlier
But I wouldn’t be there
This room isn’t mine right now
It’s invaded by germs
By bacteria
Infected with negative ions
I am defracting all light
Staring into a flat screen all day
Wishing my life away

The only thing I can understand is this depression
This obsession with sadness
This veiled madness
Writing doesn’t even stop the pain