my hands shake like they always do
and my breaths shake like a 100 year old house in a hurricane
my heart beats to a stuttering drum
and my voice cracks like a preteen
i am alive, that's enough
somewhere a violin groans
and it tears my heart in two
my head is nothing but thoughts
and my thoughts are nothing but dreams
and my dreams are nothing but whispers
whispers of something
something i haven't dreamed of in a long while,
someone i haven't let into my life yet
or someone i have
i haven't decided yet
either way
someone who isn't here now
i am alone, alone but not really
alone in the sense of without you alone
alone in the sense where it matters
alone in the way where my muscles tense
and my voice quivers
and i have no one to hold
i don't know if i want someone to hold
or someone to hold me
or someone to be there
or to be alone, alone with my thoughts for a long while more