Sinking deeper into oblivion with each passing day, I never imagined life turning out this way, felt my heart growing cold as i watched you walk away, told me you didn't want to hear anything I had to say, so many happy memories on replay, but the smiles were out numbered by the tears, the hopes replaced by fears, speaking on the love but slurred speech is all she hears, slowly losing myself as a downward spiral nears, who the **** do you turn to when you've been cast out by your peers, when I said I found my future I meant you, but I guess we ended up how we were meant to, but what the **** do you do when everything you love turns against you, how do I find the strength to make it through, honestly I know I can survive without you in my life, but I fear in order to do so each dark day must end with a tripped night, knowing all to well that each trip has the potential of becoming a one way flight, in my darkest hours you were my only source of light, our future gave me the strength to survive the fight, I was ******* crushed when I discovered the love wasn't real, contemplated tripping just so I wouldn't have to feel, wondering if this heart of mine will ever heal, death approaches and offers to make a deal, I close my eyes as he begins to speak,

"please understand that without me your future looks so bleak",

he places a hand on my shoulder and makes my heart leap,

"it seems that the constant abuse and neglect has made you quite unique",

"you are far stronger than you can imagine even though you feel so weak",

I tell him I'm a lost cause as I push his hand from my shoulder,

"I have seen the actions of an addict grow bolder",

"even now I can feel your touch becoming colder",

I'm nothing more than a twenty year old addict with a mind slightly older,

with that he turns and tells me I must go, what was your deal that much I must know,

"it appears that that never really mattered"

a mental boom as the silence was shattered, I look to my left then look to my right, but not a single soul is in sight, then I see a distant flickering light, looking down I see a one way ticket for a fatal flight, is this temptation something I can continue to fight, or is my story nearing its end, I wonder if my heart is to torn to mend, and honestly I know I can't bury another friend, that's why I swore I would never let another person in, the pain can't be felt if it's never given the chance to begin, I rarely speak so just look at these scars if you want to know where I've been, or just read these tragic tales of desperation spilling from this pen, I'm afraid my heart can't survive doing this again, we could have created a life so perfect, a beautiful obituary depending on how it's worded, this monsters demands were so loud but I guess I'm the only one who heard it, I destroyed my heart only so you wouldn't have another chance to hurt it, there's nothing left of the life we built, you destroyed it all and I accepted the guilt, counting petals as dead flowers wilt, vivid pictures of a deranged mind form as this ink is spilt, thoughts of becoming just another faded face, only because I just don't feel like I'm meant for this place, so maybe one day we can meet somewhere without time and space, I just wanted to say to say goodbye just in case..