Several CHRISTMAS times have passed- MY mind wonders back several years when XMAS had a different meaning- With the loss of my mom and dad and my stepfather the true meaning of XMAS has gone-shattered by the reality of life and deaths of those close to me- XMAS leaves a void in my life never to be filled again ever- With most of my loved ones gone there is this vast emptiness that is eating away at me. YES I have some family but it feels shallow as the holidays approach. IF I could go back in time and change things I'D put together the pieces of the family puzzle and make XMAS a real holiday instead of feeling down in the dumps but reality can take a bite out of your life- and toss it away with no remorse-felt. The only certainty is XMAS will come again and add its'reminder that those who I love and miss the most will not be here . I miss the opening of the presents,and the smiles and the small talk around the XMAS tree .Maybe some day I will understand life better than I do now. I will get through this holiday even though I will hold back my tears-I want to shed- I pray to our LORD that he gives me his blessing to get me through-my time of need- For mending a broken heart from family losses is not something you can put on your XMAS wish list. THE END