today
it was 70 degrees in the afternoon
i closed my eyes and pretended that there was a foot of snow on the ground
wrapped my arms around myself for warmth and shivered
i had attempted to remember how the year has taken and split me
into two

the one that was lying on that hospital bed
begging god for mercy
and the other that was drunk in the waiting room
laughter echoing down the halls
smelling like clorox
pouring whiskey down people's shirts

the one that had felt stung and with aching bones
let it go into a river of tears
or the other that took off her apron
told you to *******
and stormed outside
hoping the mascara was waterproof


the one terrified to drive
into the desert alone
the other pouring gasoline
down the highway
taking the wrong trail
talking to strangers at cafes
panic attacks in a wal-mart parking lot
knowing the importance of goodbyes
and deodorant
loving your touch but hating your voice
yet falling for the way
her bones shift beneath her collar  
hands clamming up at the sight of him
letting calves burn and peel
breaking corks for expensive chardonnay
striking the match
letting it fall

feeling the drops on her shoulder