How can I not write
When I have so many things locked up inside me
How can I not write
And who would listen to all the unexpected rising memories if I didn't
Who would know that all I need to hear is silence
Who would know that all I need is acceptance of who I am
How can I not write
When I can't explain to you in person that I need a time out
How can I not write
When the question "are you okay?" doesn't bring to mind anything that I could share
How can I not write
When I know that I have cried and told my secrets before and I was left behind
How can I not write
When people only see how easily I let go of people that I used to know and cut them out of my life
But don't see the struggle that lies beneath the surface of my thick skin
Or the one hundred times I wanna vent to an old friend
How can I not write
When I can't tell you that I love you as many times as I want
In fear of many things one of which is to eventually hurt you
How can I not write
When I can't bear life anymore
When suicide is a normal daily thought that doesn't worry me a bit
When my mind works in every way possible to let me dive in silence
When I don't find the words
When I don't hear any words
When I can only write these insignificant letters with ink
How can I not write?