it doesn't really hit you how far you've fallen
until you are gasping on your knees
your throat raw
after shoving your entire fist down your throat
until your best friends have to physically hold you down
so you won't run the bathroom and force food
from your stomach
until you ask them, tears streaking down your face
if they will hold your hair back
until you cannot even stomach the sight of food
until being asked to eat sends shivers of anxiety
through your body
until everyone keeps telling you that you have to eat
that you aren't trying
but you can't physically make them understand
how impossible it is to eat
when your body has become your worst enemy
the cause of every aspect of enmity.