It's nights like this
When I'm alone in bed:
There's no stress and nobody around,
Nothing to pretend to be.
I'm just me: nocturnally silent
And scared to death of the future,
knowing you're out there in the world
Couting on me to make the right choice.
This is when I know I'm ready.

I don't even know who I am anymore.
I used to count on my hands to do
The right thing,
My tongue to say
The right thing,
My heart to feel
The right thing.
Suddenly everything is jumbled;
I realize maybe it was months ago
When things started to change,
When the vines began to wrap around themselves
In my head.
Nothing quite makes sense the way you do.
I don't know how to verbalize my thoughts
Or even analyze them so I can tell myself
What would be
The right thing.

Underneath all the things I say
And underneath the facade of it all,
There's part of me that finally feels like it fits in
With the other parts of me
After being lost for probably years.
I like the way you scrunch your nose
When you smile,
And the way you laugh when you kiss me.
I'm so used to being focused
I forgot that sometimes being interrupted is
Precisely
What I need.
I don't want to be frustrated anymore,
And I'm realizing I was frustrated
For far too long.
I was right back in September when I said
You made me feel like I wasn't so tied down.
And your laugh,
It's like I'm waking up from a dream,
Remembering that things are better
Outside of my head.
Out here,
With you,
This feels like the right thing.