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At Seventeen

That year was so cold

As cold as that winter that wouldn't end

All I remember about that year

Was how little I fit in anywhere

How I connected with no one

How I sat alone at school

While in a room with 40 others

 

I lost count of how many hours I spent

Alone in my parents cold garage

Sitting in my car that needed a new motor

Watching the snow fall from the window

And the breath rise from my mouth

 

All the times I sat staring at a handful of pills

Too broken to go on, but too scared to sign out

Caught in endless torment, with no future in sight

Half of me not caring anymore

Half wanting so bad to hold on

 

I never imagined I'd survive that year

Or the next, then 5, and 10

Or have the life that I have today

But I am evidence that all of it's true

 

And giving up too early in life

Is like throwing your cards down too soon

You just might be holding a king or a queen

But it might take you more time to know

 

by Lj Mark

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Written by
ljmark
Published
Nov 23, 2015
Lines·Words
26·195
Notes

A very true account of my life at 17 years old.

Tags
#love#suicide#future#hope#gender#trans#transgender#binary#non
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