I detest myself
My mind is always in conflict
With thoughts I don't wish to think
With someone I don't want to be
I want to be someone better
Someone good
But something good cannot exist in me
It will stifle and die at the hands of my  cynicism  
My isolation is meant to protect others
I dwell in the greyest areas of this world
Where I lust after pride and decency
I don't trust the words that leave my mouth
They deny my right to be genuine
My demeanor is built by fear and lies
And crumbles with every year that passes
This life I live is unremarkable
But what I feel isn't shame
Because I still try
I endure and grow
To fill myself up with pride