Mouth closed, teeth clenched (tight)
I lock myself down and harden
dissociating in and out of pockets of inertia that feel inescapable
Self-neglect as a defense mechanism
as a way of stopping time,
but i realize that time doesn't stop
you can't freeze life
systems begin to reverse
organs being to fail, rot,
decay
I'm unable to face myself
my body
to accept and take responsibility for the damage I've done to it
it doesn't sit with me well
I'm disgusted with the smell and feeling of deadness that spreads throughout
Everything is closing in
It feels as if life is going to eat me.