And on that long, quiet drive

My mind went into survival mode

“Feel nothing” it said

But my heart felt

Everything at once

An aching loneliness

It is sharp

And deeply unsettling 

Leaving me raw

I hurt

But I don’t

I feel

But I’m numb

I’m empty

And I’m overflowing
Full of things I don’t want

Can’t want

Don’t need

Can’t process

So I’ll settle back

Into my quiet existence

And try to feel the right things

And smother the ache

That is constant

And all too real