i feel like i've kind of
exhausted every emotion possible
and my ribcage can't hold it all in anymore
i'm a striped kite with a lack of destination
i'm a ******* ripped up ****** kite
begging you to let go of my string
when you say my choosing to exist is not up to me

i like to turn inside out sometimes
i like to pinch the shoulders of the demons i fight
a harmlessly masochistic life
living just to let myself die
like to think that counts as trying

shoving against the plans you made
half-blind and trembling every time i wake
there's so much more
than what i'm willing to speak towards
so much less i'm letting them see
yet somehow my death is not up to me
dying would break His consistency

i like to turn inside out sometimes
i like to pinch the shoulders of the demons i fight
a harmlessly masochistic life
living just to let myself die
like to think that counts as trying

i say to God why don't you just let me throw myself away
i doubt i'll make it another day, anyway
i could disappear and no one would know
considering i destroyed myself all on my own
but my roots are planted in concrete
you made sure of that
why are you letting this just happen
it's like you don't want me to understand