Sometimes I fell disorientated when I wake, dreary from my sleep. I open my eyes, sit up in my bed, and stare at the darkness of the room, thinking nothing at all. It is during these moments I feel a wave of deep unknowing wash over me and then my heart ache begins. It is small and barely irritating at first, and then, as if my heart has been stabbed by a knife, the very reason for the existence of my being seemingly disappears from my knowledge and it as if acid has been poured down my esophagus to slowly torture the inner linings of my viscera. It is in these moments I feel like all I want to do, is think about myself and concentrate on this unexplainable emotion that I can not exactly explain with over dramatic words. And then, I realize that it probably doesn't matter and I have to move on, for myself, and for the people who need me to move on, so they won't feel the burning sting of the acid in their own viscera. And I guess, when I realize that, that everyone is connected to everyone else in this crazy insane universe-- a symphonious euphoric ******* orchestra of relationships where people intertwine with one another in a sporadic motion, to create beauty--so that that deep infinite unknowing void is filled up, it is this. This is it. It makes sense. Everything does. Life. Makes. Sense.
And there is no hole. Only