Daydreams have become common occurrences
I am sitting in the driver's seat of my car at a red light when suddenly
A vision of him sitting on his front steps, long legs stretched out and crossed casually at the ankles
Eyes bright and watchful, still piercing even from a distance
His smooth complexion, a reflection of his mother's
He smiled, gentle like a child, playful, toying with my mind like a cat with a ball
He was so beautiful and he didn’t even know it but I did
Snap out of it
I am lying in bed, sheets tucked at my sides, head resting on the edge of my pillow
I look to my left to see an vacant resting place and suddenly
A recurring thought of him there like he once was
Hands tucked just beneath his cheeks
Spread out, stretched wide like a trampoline
I could feel the warmth of his body radiating towards mine
Opening up, chest full while vibrations of giggling humming, rising to the ceiling like steam
The sound reverberated to my ears as if he really were here
Close, next to me curled up like it used to be
Snap out of it
I am in a coffee shot, fumbling through sheets of paper
Scribbling words I won't remember, finished up work I should have done hours ago
I glance up at the empty chair across from me
Suddenly he is there
Laptop open, hiding the writing on his shirt
I could see his collarbones peeking through
He would sigh and look down, grinning
My feet propped under the table onto his thigh
He told me I was distracting him, trying to be quiet about it
Whispering loudly, stop it while laughing through his teeth
Snap out of it
I can't snap out of it
I can't stop the recurring thoughts of you
I had taken you everywhere I love to go and it is hard to find new places in such a small city
I have had to find new music, listen to the scraps of songs I loved years ago before I had known you
Still the lyrics somehow bring me back to you
I can never escape, I am locked in a holding cell and I fear this will be a life sentence
I will tell my children about the boy who convinced me life was all about loving
And then who later made me feel so absent of air
I swallowed the guilt and it weighed down my stomach like a rock
I questioned if I'd tried hard enough
If I had done a little bit more, pushed the boundaries, exposed myself
Stripped down of righteous cause and let you see
I was so in love with you
I still am
Daydreams have become common occurrences
Each one, a little worse than before