I'm going down a path of self expression
But what is it that im feeling
Surrounded by those who love me
But what is it they are loving
Is it what they see or what they are hearing
Because nothing is as it appears
Im actually screaming help me
With every step that I take
I cover up the truth in cryptic poetry
Because somethings aren't meant to understood
Don't think for a minute that you know
you only see what I choose to show
I'm following an example because its the only thing I know
But you only see words on paper not the real show
I could show you what I'm talking about
But then where would we go
I don't want your pity
**** being understood
I'm the girl full of shame
I'm a outcast of my own making
Self created form of an alternate reality
I'll eventually be fine
In a world with fake friends
A family without love
A relationship lacking communication
Its honestly ok
It will play out
How things are truly meant to be
Is it fate or can it change?
I'm only crying to be shown love
But the world doesn't know the difference between love and lust
Everyone's full of demons
And you don't know who to trust
But in the end its just another game
Check mate ive won again
Only I didn't
I had to change
Just to make a friend
But where's that said friend
She never really existed it was all a fantasy
Because I created something in my head
Here we go again
Starting at the beginning
I'm going down a path of self expression
But what am I really saying
I don't know who I am
There's so much to be said
But my words change nothing
I'm still the Queen of pain
I'm still stuck in his game
I'm still self harming from the pain
Posting pictures hoping the world thinks ive changed
I'm still full of rage
Still pushing people away
Are you loving what you see or what you are hearing
Someone please tell me
I'm driving myself insane
Drinking alcohol to the point of forgetting all my obligations
What is it that needs to be changed
Why is it that you aren't really listening
Is it because I rebelled against everything you wanted me to be
Or is it because you locked me up
Trying to save me from something that still haunts me today
You thought the therapy would change me but it only taught me what to say
To change the course of the treatment
It taught me how to manipulate societies System
And only express myself when no one can figure out the meaning
To hide the truth in carefully constructed sentences
But the time is drawing near so I leave you with a question
What it is ive been saying?