There was a time

I had a feeling I couldn’t stand.

I just wanted all of this to end.

Now I am indifferent.

So I guess that’s better.

Every time I’d see a bridge,

or a ledge,

or anything with a sharp edge,

it would pull me like a magnet.

Now that pull’s not so strong.

I convince myself that I was wrong,

but I know I’m still drawn

by that power.

I did my best to conceal

all the pain I would feel.

I’d tell myself it wasn’t real,

but I could not ignore it.

Today all that pain

it is not quite the same.

I know it still remains

but it’s not near as urgent.

I would always pretend

to my family and friends

that they could always depend

on my strength and stability.

And though now I still do

at least it’s slightly more true.

Now I think I’ll pull through,

one way or another.

Still I wonder sometimes

is it even right

to have to struggle and fight

just trying to be happy.

But I’ll try anyway

and I guess that’s okay

I will find out someday

if all my effort was worth it.