Many a night I've sat
alone
motionless
thinking, 'is this what failure feels like?'
no money coming in
bills that need to go out
no desire
no feeling of urgency
no control
and little or
no hope.
Everything seems so bleak.
I never feel rested.
Lately I have to force myself
to sleep just to sleep.
I don't feel tired
Just tired of being awake.
the money dwindles
the bills pile up
work is the same everyday
and I lay here
trying to sleep
just to do it
and this, this feels like failure.
but it could be worse.
I'm not dead
(though, I don't feel alive)
so at least I can write about it
and as long as I can do that
I have not yet
failed.