My
‘Scars of Insanity,’
I called them.
I now think that
‘Scars of Ugliness’
better fits them.
The ugliness I carved into myself,
to remind everyone that I will
never
be good enough.
I will
never
have enough,
enough of anything.
Not enough
motivation,
sanity...
talent.
Never again will I be
confident enough to
believe
in anything;
Except my
faith,
the only stable thing in my life...
at the moment.
Never again will I be
happy,
for my mind will
never
allow it.
I can never go back,
back to when I was
happy;
oblivious,
in my own naivety.
Never
ever
again
will I hear the
laughter
of my
used-to-be clan
of sisters...
all but one have left me;
have abandoned me,
attacked me before giving me a
chance.
But I did nothing wrong.
At least, I think I didn’t.
I don’t know,
they never told me.
And now I’m left in my own
mourning
of the innocence I used to have.
With my innocence left my
naivety,
sanity,
joy.
Just like Everyman in the ancient play,
nothing but one thing remains;
except this time, it’s not my good deeds.
The only thing that clings to me is the
evilness
of my own mind.
It will
ALWAYS
be there, taunting, teasing,
tormenting...
torturing.
Always there to remind me that I will
NEVER
go back again.
I’m trapped,
stuck,
to be miserable the
rest
of
my
life.
But hey,
maybe I’m meant to be miserable.
Everything happens for a reason...
right?