My ‘Scars of Insanity,’ I called them. I now think that ‘Scars of Ugliness’ better fits them. The ugliness I carved into myself, to remind everyone that I will never be good enough.
I will never have enough, enough of anything. Not enough motivation, sanity... talent.
Never again will I be confident enough to believe in anything; Except my faith, the only stable thing in my life... at the moment.
Never again will I be happy, for my mind will never allow it. I can never go back, back to when I was happy; oblivious, in my own naivety.
Never ever again will I hear the laughter of my used-to-be clan of sisters... all but one have left me; have abandoned me, attacked me before giving me a chance. But I did nothing wrong. At least, I think I didn’t. I don’t know, they never told me.
And now I’m left in my own mourning of the innocence I used to have. With my innocence left my naivety, sanity, joy. Just like Everyman in the ancient play, nothing but one thing remains; except this time, it’s not my good deeds. The only thing that clings to me is the evilness of my own mind. It will ALWAYS be there, taunting, teasing, tormenting...
torturing.
Always there to remind me that I will NEVER go back again. I’m trapped, stuck, to be miserable the rest of my life.
But hey, maybe I’m meant to be miserable. Everything happens for a reason... right?