Your words are a runaway train
Cart after cart
Of regret
And disappointment

You can’t stop explaining
And justifying
The reasons and the choices and the decisions
And why this and why not that

Your tremor
Holds back the true, paramount fear
Of living a life empty and unfulfilled
Dried up oasis
Of what was and never was

We always forget that we are going to die

I wish I could tell you that it’s okay

I love you and your golden brown eyes
I love touching your hand
And having something to love
When my heart gets down to its lowest point
And I need someone so desperately to hang onto
So my panic
And my emptiness
And all those people
Don’t close in on me
With intentions to violently consume me
Dragging me
Into their cold irreparable pit
Spitting me back out
just
tatters
of
flesh
and
bone
left

Sometimes I forget that I need you so much


And if Death suddenly snatched you away
Took you apart
Unwove you

Through my eyes
The world would stop spinning
The sun would stop shining
Every flower would rot
Every building would fall to the floor

Because you may have felt nothing while here
But you are everything to me
And without you
The world isn’t a bearable wasteland
It’s just a million broken pieces
Cutting into me
As I wander aimlessly
******
Disillusioned and hungry for what no longer exists

And I’ll never be lulled into a comfortable slumber ever again

You don’t love me
I want to be hard and impenetrable
I never want to feel wanted
Your fingertips
Tracing themselves over my arms
Again
And
Again
In perfect unison
“I do love you”
“I do love you”
“I do…”
Until my eyes give in to your hypnotic reassurance

Forever and always