I’ve heard that ‘he’s just a boy get over him’ and I’ve heard that there are ‘plenty of fish in the sea’ but it feels like whenever I go to grab another fish I find you, and here I am grasping your fish carcass in my hand and then I fall into the ocean and I’m afraid of the ocean I can’t remember how to swim I can’t remember anything all I remember is the way your skin felt against mine and the way you breathed my name and promised forever but I guess that was a lie because here I am holding your dead fish carcass and drowning in an abyss of ‘other fish in the sea’ and I want to forget it all but part of me is only alive because of those memories of the way your hair fell or how you smelt of stale cigarettes and bitter coffee and maybe I don’t want another fish maybe I want your carcass to grow skin and all the anatomy I can’t even pretend to understand and I want you to breathe my name but instead you left me for a universe I don’t even know exists. So here I am choking on your name for the rest of my life.