All My Days

Suddenly,
     another morning,
Swishes the curtains
     without warning.

Portentous,
     with its ifs and buts,
It slashes my dreams
     like a million cuts.

Scarring
     my already scarred skin
Yet barely containing
     my nakedness within.

Apparently,
     I am disorientated,
Wandering, fumbling
     and discombobulated.

Trance-like,
     I carve out a window
To look out at a life
     lost in limbo.

Flitting
     from one person to another,
Wanting to be loved
     by somebody elses mother.

Same old, same old,
     a hand in face,
The lonely spectator
     of a strangers embrace.

Sunshine
     that I just can't see,
Perhaps the days
     were not meant for me.

Peevishly,
     I seek the shade,
It is a darkness
     that I, myself, have made.

Comforting,
     like all my hideaways,
Yet I cannot hide
     from all my days.
    
Reluctantly,
     I put on my disguise
And smile at the sun
     that dared to rise.

Incognito,
     I pretend I'm the light
Waiting, without a reflection,
     for the night.

© RJVHorton2015