I blame it on the easy things, my parents, past relationships, black holes. But it's always been me that's been in control. Deciding to stop when they told me to go. Screaming out "yes" as I was choking down "no." Pressing the pedal when I should've gone slow. My actions and my words never quite match up. Saying I'm healthy as smoke fills my lungs. Calling myself an atheist but telling it to God. Sitting here wondering, When will I stop? I can blame it on the easy things, stimulants, a chemical imbalance, the doctors white coat. But it's always been me that's been in control.