I'm always biting my tongue
because everyone eats away at my words.
The bite is usually the only consistent
part of this life I live.
Sometimes the pressure is too much
and the blood spills from my teeth.
My jaw clenched and the taste inside my cheeks
reminds me my heart is somehow still beating.
I try to keep it inside but it seeps out
and everyone watches-
complains I am getting blood on their pride
so I try to hold back again
I am choking now
people question my struggle
so I must spill myself.

I speak-
say these words and the blood spills over
and every inch of my inner monologue is exposed
for the audience that is amongst me.
No one claps for me afterwards
they look down at the bloodshed
and wonder how it got there.
They blame me for biting down
on the same words they once shunned.

I stop speaking-
the blood fills my insides again
I am tired of choking
so I swallow my pride.
Awaiting the judgement day protocol
awaiting the lash of someone else's tongue
when mine is the sole contender of this downfall.
I spend my days trying to mend this mind built upon bones
the remains of what once was me, but no longer is.
I cannot find myself anymore
it went away with the bloodshed
I left it there on the stage
and everyone just ripped it to shreds.
So don't go looking for me
you won't find much
but an exoskeleton of what once was.
A shadow of optimism to shade the darkness
that is all you will see,
how can you shade the dark?
it can only happen with nothing,
which is what I am now.
So don't go looking for me
all you will find is someone too busy
biting away at what's left of her tongue
hoping she still has blood left to survive
hoping she doesn't get it on anyone's shoes-
we all know blood stains.