I had broken my promise
“I’ll write you every week.”
It’s been 3 years since every week
Became every other
Then every month
Then never.

When I saw a horse
With a brown coat
Speckled white
Like the one on your jacket
I knew never had to end.

So I wrote.
I wrote about everything
And about nothing
And all that came between.
I wrote about insignificant things
Things you wouldn’t remember
Things I can’t forget.

I wrote about our past
My present
And what might be in our future

I didn’t know you no longer had one.

I didn’t know that you were already gone
That life had been too much
And you mind had become a war zone
With every thought falling,
Dying one after the other
As though to some macabre rhythm.
I didn’t know you had stopped watching horses
In favor of watching trains.

I wonder if you were as beautiful
As you stood on the tracks
Arms thrown wide
As you were when I first saw you riding.

And now, as I look back
Over the year since I learned
Since I wrote
And I can’t help but wonder.
Would anything be different
If never hadn’t lasted quite so long?