It's been over a month and I still find myself on the verge of tears as I get lost in my own thoughts, the good and the bad. I can only hope you're safe, for I have prayed that you find your way. I think about the dancing together, the relaxing evenings, the pictures of dinner all meant for something I thought was so real and now it's gone. Or it never was. I'm starting to think it was some sort of dream, the whole thing. You're gone so what is there to believe. I am having trouble understanding the reason to live once again. I find myself wandering in thoughts, I am so so so lost. There are things, but I can not stop thinking of you. Whether it be anger, resentment, happiness. It's truly s death. One of which I will never understand. I am sad. I am lost. That is the truth. Although I play a good role of a voice who bashes my own love; or what he was. I miss you. The fact that we aren't dead. Why would we do this. Why couldn't you be a man. Stand up for yourself. One day they will go and you will be left alone here standing on a ground, where will life put you then? Will you still follow a horrid life, full of rules that you yourself do not understand. The only thing in life that is worth anything is love. Where are you.