Why do I feel like this?
Why is he making me feel like I am worthless?
Am I really that bad of a girlfriend?
I must me for him to be acting this way.
Would he even care if I died tonight?
Probably not.
He wouldn't care that we spend our last hours together,
With him yelling at me, telling me everything that was wrong with me,
How selfish I am.
He has reduced me to feeling like nothing.
I feel abused.
But I can never say that.
He'll just get mad again.
He'll yell more and more until I put out.
He says that he feels used,
But I am the one that is used.
He's reducing me to where I am resolving to do anything
For him to take me back
For him to be happy.
I am still single,
And he doesn't want to take me back,
No matter how many times he says the opposite.
I am nothing.
Nothing I am.
Nemo is my name.
Nemo is my existence.
Now, I live for nothing.
I am but an empty shell.
A zombie shuffling through life,
living without reacting
breathing without air
eating without sustenance
fucking without love.
I will put out not because of love,
But because it makes him happy,
because he'll stop yelling.
Maybe I am just over-reacting.
If I just hadn't made that one mistake
well over a year ago..
No. I can never forget that.
He won't let me
That is something that I can never live down.
No matter how hard I try,
It will never go away.
He isn’t good for me, I decide.
No, a part says.
Stay.
No.
I can’t do that.
I’ll get hurt.
Again.
I want to run
To flee
To fly and never come back.
I want to be free.
I want to feel loved.
To love without being expected to put out.
He says I’m selfish.
I try to say I want to wait.
He doesn’t understand.
Promises to myself are wanting to be broken.
not by me
but by him.
I want the liberation.
The liberation of love.
The liberation of respect.
The respect that I deserve.
Is that so much to ask?