I wander aimlessly,
And people say to me,
"You're gorgeous, and
Pretty, and perfectly
Happy."
But is that because of you?
You weren't there for me,
My Grrandmother raised me,
My mother was M.I.A.
And I would cry.
I understand that
you have problems,
That he hit you, and
Cussed you out, and
Drug you down.
But you kept promising me,
Kissing and hugging and
Crying to me.
But I was little,
Too young to comprehend,
Too Juvenile and naïve
To really understand.
And then it got worse.
I grew up and
Began to see.
No longer blind
I saw
What you had come to be.
My pain began.
You were never
There for me.
My Daddy died
And while I cried
You did drugs with
Men so fowl and snide
and painfully
crude.
I tried to hide
My tears
My cries
My pain.
I died;
A little inside,
Each time you lied.
You promised me you wouldn't
Leave me,
You'd choose me,
But No.
You chose the men,
Time and time again,
Over your kids.
I barely know
My siblings because
Of what you did.
I'm all grown up;
An adult of forty
At the age of fifteen.
Because I helped
Raise the only
Brother you kept
While you acted like
It was you in your teens.
And then February.
It was February,
You almost died
And you don't seem to notice.
You lost your children.
Do you even care?
Life seems good for you,
But those burdens I carry
Were meant for you
To have to shoulder.
Where am I in your
Mind's picture of life?
Me and my brothers
And my sister too?
Oh, Right,
Were right next
To the bible
Laying on your shelf,
Right next to the rest of your dignity.
And P.S.
While I'm at it,
Can you tell me you
Love me,
Just this once,
Like Maybe,
You might really mean
It this time?